When A Mother Lost Hold of Her Child

//*** a toddler of naivety has ran out of her mommy's safe cocoon, and when the mother got lost hold of her own child, things can be disastrous when the child is away far away from a guide when her mom is nowhere to be seen. The little girl might be hit by a reckless driver, got abused by kidnappers, got swallowed by humongous beast if she wander into the woods.....When a mother lost hold of her child, things can be misguided for that little child ***//


Talk about lost in direction when you do not have a compass or knowledge in constellation to lead you a way when you are alone in the wilderness. Huh.. how scary can that be if you imagine the worse? You know,when it comes to abstract on what you are most fear of.. some people may afraid of loneliness until a level he/she is too desperate for a partner to get his/her pants off, while some people may afraid of authority. As for me? "lost" would be the word disastrous enough when you are not able to recognize the world around you.


People says you are one time uglier when you are in distress. Well..u r not smiling, the eyebacks, the tensions on your face...ya perhaps thats true. Well then...do u notice im losing my colours on my face~ if you see me stop smiling 1 day..it is also the time i appreciate if u remember me in your prayer.


On 2nd thought, you know~ it is so encouraging when you went through a verse that gave you the spike up spirit to tell you to persevere on~ Rom 8:25-27 n that is the verse i shall held upon. I had a short vision yesterday before going for my exam. In this vision, i see myself laying my hands upon you in that desire to heal you. I see myself holding one another's hand and in this vision, i see the picture of me speaking boldly & powerfully with you all. **Do you know that i have been praying for you these while? Do you see that sparkle in my eyes to heal you eventhough we hardly spoke to each other.. I really want to have that courage.. Do u know i have this anxiety for you 13.15.13


Wanna apologize for the people around if i've annoyed you with my indecisive attitude these days. You wanna know what makes me change my mind over time? You'll never know..coz you'll never understand. There are more than just a reason & i hope you'll respect my intention & decision @the end.

I don't wish to be the target

in the wilderness..

Voices of A Hypocrite

U know.. I always get fed up with people acting holy in front of me. More precisely im talking about christians. How can some1 goes to church each sunday praise the Lord, have holy moments with the saints in church and yet talk bullsh*ts, plan revenge plot, harm others and do devil's work to the people around him AND STILL ABLE to pray, act holy and saying thank god/god bless you in front of u. This is sick! Such a hypocrite~

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Talk about hypocrite.. Am i qualified to comment on that person?

Thinking back, hey what about me..

I too wearing a mask in the church. Why can't i just admit that i'm a christian after joining christianity this year.I felt more happy and freer when i was a free thinker. i've reached boiling point again as i am not able to fool myself any longer to believe in something that i don't believe in. . Before deciding to leave christianity, i gave myself a chance again.

It's really hard living a life as a hypocrite. People don't see the real u & u have to hide yourself. But 1 year's of endurance is really a worthy period to come until this far. As i've encountered many things in this Aug, Sept & Oct. I really have alot of things to share to bloggie but i just couldn't due to my hectic schedules. The change of faith after the amazing things that happened in my life eversince the prayers that i've made. The security that i've felt when i was alone during holidays in the hostel after few days the night before my housemate saw the existence of super natural entity flew pass her window. The amazing things when i prayed so hard for my dog to be alive when she was dying that time. The extra strength i felt after few days of 2-4 hours sleep. The sudden inspiration that i have when i pray for wisdom. The ability to laugh & smile eventhough i was tired. I just felt so amazed by the power of the prayers made & security. 1 day, 2 months or half year.... would not get me into this far.. It's all about perserverance whilst it took me 1 year's time..

Can i share these out? that i really want to stop being a hypocrite. Can i say that i love u, u & u? coz I can't stop fooling myself that i really felt comfortable being with u guys. U have let me see the value of true friendship & acceptance. U have let me move freely in an environment that doesn't require me to strike for perfectionism which is very tiring. I couldnt' deny that i've learned alot of things through this 1 year period. How interesting & weird @d same time when i first saw u'll still able to be joyful & relax eventhough occurs last minute panicking-moment or have to submit assignment the next early morning eventhough progress still below 50%.

U know wat.. I think i've just found a new purpose in life.. *grin*

Voices of a hypocrite.. i no longer want to be