Here it goes again...

Feelin pressured?

"Oh..It wasn't me...It's her..."

This phrase always come & go~

I met my teacher who taught me English when i was a kid, whom she has been watching me grow until today. Ya, once in awhile i still keep in touch with her. I like her...but i just can't stand the fact that i felt presurred under the conversations.. Not only with her....but with many others too...

Children whose parents are principals of some universities, presidents of an organization, teachers, deans or whatever positions they are in, might have to live a life driven by expectations. You always need to beat the best (or at least u must be in the Top A List). Usually these kids are bright. After all~ their parents expect them to be bright anyway~ This is not only applicable to these group of people, also included children of whom their parents want their children to be the best always. So that their reputation can be maintained & gained the jealousy + praises from others. Keeping their kids a hectic schedule of tuitions, piano classes, swimming classes, computer classes etc etc to ensure they are well equipped. I am wondering.... is this what their kids really want...

I am grateful that i don't have parents who push me / expect me to give the very best in all. It is the surrounding people that i need to go through that kind of pressure...

"hey how's your result Lily? Surely you'll get 4flats coz u r smart."

"wa~ surely ur result is good. Ur parent is the...." (it doesn't go this way ok)

"no wonder u did not apply the job as a tutor,u don't have interest in it i see~ such a waste la ur SPM got all As" (erm...no...it wasn't me, it's my sis..u've mistaken)

"my daughter just went to UK" "that teacher's son is studying medicine" "my daughter got very good result in her STPM" "u know Pn.XXX's daughter get how many As in her..." "Mr.XXX's son is now in Taiwan doing.."...................."& what about u Lily??"

"What about me??" huh~

I may chat along well during these conversations~ but u did not see the hurt in my eyes. The fact is.. im not achieving much... If u have a trophy brother sister but u r the exact opposite of them...i believe no1 likes to be compared & being looked down.....

I never really talk about my past when im in new environment. When i came to Johor, it was a new start. Can't believe my confidence actually (can i say fooled many?) covers the blemishes in my life...some juniors of mine even thought i was in the student representative council... Well~the fact is that... i am NOT what u think guys~ Sorry... if u ever have any expectations from me that i failed to give. I am nothing...

Why there r so many tears in this holiday....huzz.. The inferiority complex wihin me has reappear again... There are too much failures that i could not accept... It just made me a bad testimonial... So many failures.... so many failures.....

NOT gonna give up like this though... no way