I'm ready to leave 2010

Each time i left home with a rush & many times i depart with tears in the bus...soaking over certain hurts, self-condemnation & madness... This time when i was in the bus going back Johor, i cried not because of the above, but of such feeling that has never exist... I never thought i could miss some1 so badly....

I really enjoyed every minutes every seconds that i had in Seri Kembangan, in KL this holiday. Before i went back home, i told God I wanna learn to stand in the gap in this holiday for my family & how challenges just arrive on my doorstep when i first reach home, & that's how i learn to do something that exceeds my capability in knowledge, skills, & physical strength. & through out all these, i discovered & developed new abilities too.... How i live on the grace of God~~ Asking for wisdom & strength each day to deal with everyday events. 1 thing i do not really understand is that, why twice i went back home, twice i experienced food poisoning whilst i ate the same food as others did...I felt like a pregnant lady this holiday...being nauseous all the time.. & i thank God that i had recovered now.


I shall say that this holiday is truly like a training mission for me, learning to overcome things on my own when there's no1 4me to turn to... & I cherish the beautiful friendship that i have never imagine it would be so wonderfully made. & i shall say, i never regret going back home~

Happy New Year dear folks :)

My Thanksgiving to YOU 2

It was a wonderful retreat that we had for the last 2days @Gunung Lambak there. I never regret coming all the way back to Johor just to spend time with u all, & have a moment of quietness in the remote. Though I miss out the thanksgiving lifegroup night, my mind still in thanksgiving through out the journey back to KL.

To the house of NISSI, dear bro :

Sunny

Hi Sunny, I’m glad to have the chance to serve with u in lifegroup. That’s how I get to know u more when we paired together in praise & worship. I used to stay my distance away from u coz many times I wrongly sensed the aura of “im not approachable” from u hehe. The truth is, hey~ u r really a warmy brother. U always cook for us, & 4those who haven’t eat their b/fast, lunch or dinner. & I like ur cooking2~ U r really funny & the way u rub ur tummy is double funny hehe~ I learned a lot from u bro, u taught us a lot of things be it during lifegroup, church sermons or even during hangout. TQ for being so strong when u are in not-ok-times, that u hold on to God & His Vision, standing up again fighting as an overcomer. Don’t be discouraged in every circumstances, for u are truly not alone in all these. Jia you brother! U r more den conqueror! All ur labour will not go in vain!


Jingzu

Hey Zu, Tq 4ur life & dedicating urself 2serve faithfully. Sometimes u reminded me of my Aunty Van when I was schooling. When the van comes, all the kids so excited to go unto the van & off to school or back to home. Hehe.. Many times, during long/short journey u will still be the driver even though u may gone tru a hard day. I remembered how u used to be in the past, comparing now, u always learn & have a teachable heart. U r learning to be a good brother, a gentleman. After sort of “rebuke”/being taught in the church, I see ur efforts in being protective haha.. U always fetch Bel & sis after night classes as u do not wish to see them walking alone in the dark back to Rapha. And when u reach Rapha, u will always ensure till we step on the white tiles & close the door b4 u leave, ensuring our safety. Ur mouth is round & u really talk a lot, u always made me laugh from ur jokes. How u have laid down for the Kingdom of God shall never go in vain bro, u’ll see His glory reign! +U bro! In ur ministry, in life, spiritually, & studies! Continue to be a shining star for God whenever u are!


Joshua

Hey Joshua, tq 4ur life~ 4laying down for God, & 2b willingly being the clay to be moulded by Him. I like to listen 2ur sharing & ur testimonials encouraged me a lot. U are a thoughtful person who think of others & very懂事的一个人. Tq 4always being ever ready to serve. U are very幽默, u always make the atmosphere fills with laughter & alive. We seldom really chat or hangout together & I do not really have the chance to taste ur cooking. Hope that we have a greater breakthrough in our relationship bro!


Sze Hou

Hou kor Hou kor! My companion in eating haha just kid..Tq 4everything bro~ Many times when we were hanging around & u spotted me so quietly, u’ll just approached me 2b the listener. If u r shy, u’ll just SMS me hoping 2cheer me up / encouraged me. Thx a lot bro. U r generous in giving hands to ur bros sis & people. Ur life encouraged me a lot bro. How u came 2know Christ really funny, but that shows the simple+pure faith of urs & love 2wards God, really inspires me. U do not care what the surrounding people think of u, but u’ll just do it for God. U move ahead despite certain fears in u, u just put faith in Him, trusting that God lead u the way. May God continue 2mould u 2b a blessing whenever u go, & let His glory show forth! Tq 4ur life Sze Hou~


Alix

Hey there Alix bro, im not sure if I should tag u… but I like2 express my Thank You 2u Alix.. Little time did we spent 2gtr, but ur life truly encouraged me a lot. There were times be it outside the exam hall, or the morning prayer pondok, there were worries in the corner of ur eyes, but u just put faith in God. Cute on the outer appearance, came all the away from Ranau Sabah, but ur passion 4Christ is so great that God open ways & helped those who help themselves. & u were like Joshua son of Nun, leading the team. U just live by the grace of God~ When we were sharing together, sometimes I do not understand what u shared but many times u lead me to think of another perspective. U always started with “boleh nampak lah..” so funny, u stimulate my mind. Let this pair of eyes see the future God has 4u & let these anointed eyes of urs fix on Him, 4God cares 4u+carries ur burden. U were really a romantic guitarist too, any1 told u that hehe? whenever I was in Nissi, the play of ur guitar & the fingers on the strings always caught my heart haha… I always got distracted to ur play~ U really play very well Alix, don’t let the sound of praise & that talented fingers stop. Let the beat fills the air, & let ur passion burns once again~ God knows ur heartbeat, & He loves u2, so are His people~ There is always hope~


Khang Yinn

Hey bro, tq 4ur life. I’m really glad how God arranged a divine meeting 4me 2bump in2 u on my 1st day lost in UTHM, & now we r bros sis in Christ. U r truly a special person that I met & u r really like a father. Ur love 2wards God, His church & ur uni lifegroup truly touched me. U will always have time for ur people when u see their needs & encourage those who are struggling. U will always share what u have to the surrounding people. If u really notice that the person next 2u is eating only rice+egg, or bread without water etc, u’ll share ur drinks & take the meat+vege from ur plate to that person’s. U have been a sensitive brother. U r generous in giving to ur people & be ever ready to serve, help & teach. I never seen such a patient young man in my life b4. I remember that time u were teaching me to drive & all sorts of “wonderful exciting adventures” happened yet ur voice is still so calm, patient, caring..encouraging me not to give up. Many times ur life & testimonials inspire me. I learned a lot from u KY, be it knowledge, hands on skills or spiritually. See~ told u, u r really like a dad. Ur cooking is really nice. Many times I see that when u r being stretched so far, yet u chose to put God’s Kingdom 1st. U take up challenge to lead by the grace of God & how God open ways for those who believe in Him. I thank God for the chance that we can serve together. May the Lord honour the anointed one & use u greatly for His Kingdom comes! All ur efforts will never go in vain! God bless u abundantly bro!

My Thanksgiving to YOU

It was a wonderful retreat that we had for the last 2days @Gunung Lambak there. I never regret coming all the way back to Johor just to spend time with u all & have a moment of quietness in the remote. Though I miss out the thanksgiving lifegroup night, my mind still in thanksgiving through out the journey back to KL.

To the house of RAPHA, dear :


Li Fong

Tablemate! I do not know y but I like to hug u, u r like my pillow, so huggable ^^ Dear sis, im very much encouraged by ur courage for Christ sake though many times u r in timid times. How God had changed & moulded u 2become His people so bold that His glory is reflected. Though many times there r fears in u, but u took the step of faith & courage to take up the challenges. The desire in u for God has win over all the obstacles in ur life, praise God~ u r more than conqueror! U have always been my encouragement sis. And.. I wanna be ur barnabas too~ Whenever im not ok, u can sense my aura is different. Ur presence beside me is already a comfort & strength 2me. Somehow i still felt that most times our relationship is only restricted to physical/surface level, seldom more than that. & i hope there is a breakthrough in this area. I thank God for this relationship li fong. Let this relationship continue to grow! I love u sista! *hugz*


Pui Ying

Dear sis, even we have been housemates under the same roof twice yet we never really chat/hangout. And it must be God’s great plan 4us 2have once again being placed in Rapha house as sisters in Christ this time! Ur pure & simple faith to God is truly a sweet spirit that u have. Despite all the complexity from the people towards u out there, u fix ur eyes on God instead. How u r willing to lay down urself & 2be changed by God, ur efforts will not be wasted. In Rapha, u always cook yummies for us, & it’s really YUMMY!! Whoever falls sick, u will make some herbs & drinks 4us. Sometimes u may be the silencer but u truly play the role of a supporter, giving strength 2us. Whenever we have chance to share, ur testimonial always help me @my current situation when I needed that encouragement so much. U know sis, I really thank God for this Retreat that we just came back from, because I truly get to know u more.

Do u see this picture, it may not be the best shot/angles, but I see the beauty of this picture. Because I see unity, passion & love. Limitation of physical strength may be 1 of ur greatest challenge, talk about climbing the steep Mount Lambak & ur fear of heights, but the passion & determination spirit within u has overcome all things impossible. Dear sis, nothing can separate u away from the love of God & nothing could stop the unity in this family of God. Tq 4ur life sis, tq 4ur perseverance, tq 4ur transparency, trust, hope, faith & love~


Qian Ying

Hey dear sister, i1 2tq 4ur life in dedicating urself 4God's vision, in serving Him faithfully. How God Himself reviewed to u that made u changed a new. Many times ur sharing & testimonials truly miraculous & amazingly wonderful how God blessed u when u honour Him & that He honours u back in life, studies etc. U have a pure heart for God & I learned a lot from ur life sis. In Rapha, u r the most disciplined1 in ur time arrangement. U always keep a thankful heart doesn’t matter what circumstances u face, u fix ur eyes on the Lord & trust fully in Him. Ur burden to the souls out there, ur never ceasing prayers & ur efforts made in harvesting fruits will never go in vain! God sees it all & He knows ur heart desires & needs, & the Lord will be ur best provider! I tq 4always being my “backstage” supporter. I remembered there was once my cooking has gone so teruk that im afraid the lifegroup people will not want to taste it & u told me “don’t worry lily, I will eat ur meal! It still looks nice 2me”. When I was down & in distress, u always try to put a smile on my face, u always do ur little cute cartoon jiayou-action 2encourage me. Tq 4ur prayers2 sis. U always like to D.I.Y. on paper arts as a gift to encourage the people around u. U r truly a blessing, a sensitive sister & a good supporter in Rapha. Tq 4everything sis!


Hei Ling

Hey there Hei Ling, previously we did not really have some moments to really know 1another, until this semester, & I thank God for such chances. There were certain similarities between us that I find it interesting, & it seems like u are going tru/ gone tru the same thing that I had went tru b4. U really r an adorable & humorous sister that is playful & bold. U always bring liveliness to the whole atmosphere. In the midst of all struggles & challenges, many tears shed, @d end of the day u chose to walk in God’s will, & laid down ur many aspects of ur life, 4His Kingdom. I wanna assure u that ur efforts will not go in vain. Be thankful in every circumstances, knowing that the Lord is ur God of Jireh. Let the Joy of the Lord be ur strength! May our relationship continue to grow~ Tq 4ur life sis!


Bel

Hey dear my jinglebel~ It’s awesome 2hav met u tru English debate, den we were in Sife 2gtr & how great it is now dat we r serving the Lord 2gtr! A lot of sweet memories wif u, but this sem I felt dat I have neglected/somehow paid less attention 2u. Many times I wish 2jump onto the bed & join li fong u all rolling around, cubit-cubit 1another, watch drama/movie 2gtr with u….but I end up most of the time sitting in front of my lappie… I really enjoyed Bel. I enjoyed walking 2gtr wif u back to Rapha, I enjoyed being chased by u on the bicyle while I jog & chase u back, I enjoyed fetching u with u at the back of the bicycle screaming all the way back to Rapha trying to balance ourselves on the wheels… U always my guliguligu Bel Bel. Ok, u may officially call me “my lily” now, I can accept already tee hee hee… Bel, I wanna encourage u no matter what, never give up half way, doesn’t matter how hard dis route could be, u’ll never be alone. & u Fight Till The Very End! U r more den conqueror Bel! Over emotions, over physical tiredness, over deception... Don’t let ur past draw u back~ 2gtr we run for God! *hug hug kiss kiss*


Kasmah

Dear Kak Kam, u have a pleasant character that I always see the joy of the Lord in u. I cherish ur smile & it is sweet~ I like to listen to ur voice of prayers, as I find it so gentle~ How u made efforts in learning English through Youtube really encourages me. U r willing to start from zero, & kasmah, I believe 1day u can be a Hero & master good English too! If there is a will, there is surely a way. Jia you sis! We can chat in English whenever u want ya! I never really see u in downcast/angry mood b4. Ur desire+passion to Christ is so pure ur love to God has flow out from u reaching the surrounding people. Through out the Retreat, how u guided Pui Ying on each step so faithfully loyally carefully really touched me. Ur life encouraged me, many areas I can learn from u. U are a good mountain walker too haha.. I thank God for this relationship. God knows ur heart desire & He will open ways for those who desire Him. Hope to c u in UTHM sis~ May the Lord bless u Kasmah! May our relationship continue to grow, I wanna know u more~


Rozinah

Hey dear Kak Rozie Rozie~ u always so cute la~ U bring lively atmosphere & smiles around to the places that u walk through. Seldom did we have talks 2gtr, mainly just an outer playfully conversation with u. Hope 2know u more sis! Kak Roz, wanna encourage u whenever u face challenges, do not be discouraged or felt unable, as u r never fighting alone! God is with u sis! So does this family of God. Let there be a breakthrough in our relationship! Jia you in everything sis, in life, ministry, spiritually, & ur studies too. Love~


Peniel

Truly1 2TQ 4everything shepherd. Since the day u pick me up like the starfish on the shore, my life has been greatly influenced by u. TQ 4never giving me up all these while sis. U always helped me to see many bigger pictures in my life, I learned a lot from u. And many times u were there supporting & backing up for me when I fail/fall. In Uni1, there’s only u & me, & we have already made up a good team. I did not ask for anything but u already knew my heart desire & needs. U always stand in the gap when I need help though I did not voice out. U are very sensitive sis. U r faithful in discipling me, ensuring im ok & on the right track. Ur commitments in the Vision, all ur efforts shall never go in vain! U are not only our big sister in the house, but truly a mom to all of us in Rapha. Each night, we will stay up late 2gtr with Rapha sisters to study. & whoever accidentally fell asleep or woke up late after the alarm sounds, u will tried ur very best to wake us up by drawing on our feet, tickling us, made us laugh till we are awake. We know we have commitments in our ministry yet u play the role 2help take care of our studies, ensuring we did not overslept & missed out doing our homeworks. I’m so glad 2have met u sis! U have set an example for us 2follow~ U gave us strength & encouragement whenever we are discouraged. No matter how busy u are, u still have time for us, ensuring the peace & unity in the house of God. I love to hear u sing & play the guitar in the house, when there is ur presence in the house, there is warmth. I like the way u care for every souls out there, & willing to be stretched & maximized for God’s Kingdom & glories to come. Dear sis Peniel, my 1 Thank U is not enough 2express my gratitude 2u, but having d honour to walk with u in Christ & be ur comrade in this Vision is the best gift ever! TQ 4giving ur life to the Lord! God honours u my dearest shepherd!

The Sound of Praise

When i was having my meal dis early noon, i paused & stop doing everything. I just freeze right there. A little voice has caught my ears... & it was the child next door singing praise~ & i just look at my mom sitting next to me, & i said Hallelujah~ She smiled~

********

You know we always or perhaps used to hum a song, do our daily things, but we never knew the meaning of it. Sometimes being naive is good~ Because we do not know a lot of things, there isn't much of exposure to the worldly views, no complexity, no racism/attitude of despising brained wash in us, there is only pure heart for friendships, pure mind for an act of honesty.

********

When we are naive, we build good friendship doesn't matter what skin colour we are

When we are naive, we do not know so much about rich & poverty. But we still live in joy whilst we are poor

Even the missing tooth & freckles face will not put the picture into flaws, when these kids know nothing about the perspective of beauty from the world viewed.

***********

Even in black & white picture, the smiles of the angelic faces have given the picture a perfect touch of colours when these kids know nothing about worries.

***********

The next door toddler was raising her voice so loud in joy singing "Soraklah Hallelujah, Soraklah Hallelujah...." & none of her family are believers. She may be young & not knowing the meaning of the lyrics, but she is singing praise to God. Hallelujah she sing~ she is praising God~~

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

-Luke 18:16-

Let the sound of praise never cease & spread across the land

Reflection in the rear mirror

Little chance did we hangout or talk to each other in the past... but somehow that little chance had became somewhat of opportunities these few days...

*****************

We used to walk pass each other like strangers... little conversation did we had... until i had a real glance of your eyes... This pair of eyes somewhat looked familiar...as if i had seen you before in the past... & i would say that you have such beautiful eyes that shine.


The more i have the chance to be with you, i began to know you. Your eyes~ they reminded me of my childhood crush. I was young, & he was the little boy in the class, yet the eldest. We never talked to each other much, but there's much of eye contacts. His picture in my head may b blurry, but his gaze & stare i shall never forget... & now~ You reminded me of him...

I saw your eyes from the reflection in the car rear mirror... & i know that i should guard my heart... I don't wish to fall unto another confusion again...

THE POWER OF LOVE

It was when the day u walked off to catch the bus, then only i realized.. it was the power of Love...that has changed & hit me...

*******************

I was riding on bike chasing after u, just to deliver the fried rice that i have made 4u before u leave... I was cycling fast to trace ur track, but u were no where to be seen... my muscle was aching, working on the pedals.. den only i realize i was too late. U were already gone...

It was just a temporary depart but somehow i felt that i miss u... alot...

*****

Many times i got annoyed by u.. but most times when i gone haywire and upset, u were there cheering for me, so sensitive of my needs for support. It was when that time u invited me into the room that morning, u have changed my perceptions towards u... & i felt bad n thankful @d same time, to have u around. I learned alot from your life...

*****

When there were times i wanna yelled out loud, cried out & grief over this wounded soul after a battlefield... i learned to accept the past & reality. I chose to make a difference this time... i chose to say sorry...

*****

When there were too much time that i cried over this fear within me, to approach, to love... I was in distress with all the challenges...& I finally overcome it. And the power of prayers & praise+worship all glories to God~ I learn to lay down, accept, be opened, & to love... once again
......................


It all started.....when i realize all these....that i was crying over a little incident.... when i was chasing after you... just to past you the little lunch box that i have kept 4u

WHAT HAPPENED...

"Why do u look so guilty?" questioned he.

I said "har? erp..."
im speechless..

Can't believe it happened i just can't believe it happened...

*********************************

Have u ever been in a situation that u do not know what to do? How to do? Why me why him why it happens? WHY~~! Not knowing what to do is the most darn thing. You try 2help but u just don't know how..

*****************************

The skid of the car, the quick reverse, the whining and the loud noise of cracking bones is still fresh in my mind.. i was crouching on d road panicking..my lips kept repeating why it happens why it happens..reluctant to believe that it's not a dream...


.... I am guilty because at times i thought i am a jinx. I am guilty coz IF i did not come back home such incident could be avoided. I am guilty coz i should have immediately call her to come back home, din realize accident will just happen within split seconds...That was just the 1st night i step into home.. I can't find fault on the damn driver for driving fast thus blaming on my dog for being "blind" on d road... damn it i was so frustrated... y am i oways d emotional1... I just couldn't imagine if i was to limp on 1 leg in my life, i have 2restart all over again, if i am a person who likes to jog & run, such accident will just "end" my soul...


...The pain in her eyes, the helpless look on her face when she was trying so hard to stand up or move but to no avail, the shaking of her body & panting non-stop says it all...it really breaks my heart.. Setting alarms every 1-2 hours from d couch to check on her @wee hours...The days that she was gone, i called her name but no reply then only i realized that she's away.. Now that she has back from surgery, complications.. she has to learn to walk on 3 limbs now.. there won't b any jumping & shouting of "JOGGING!! JOGGING HALLIE!!"..can't do that anymore.. How i wish dis raya holidays being extended, at least i can spend more time with her & take k of her... But i know that i need 2get back Johor...d things that i promised,i can't compromise, & i know my purpose during dis 2weeks raya holidays... Really on struggle what to do now...n pls don't tell me that she is just a dog... u can walk away from my face now if u intend 2do that.

It is just not fair...because i'm unworthy of it...

"...Thank you...Thank you so much....Thank you so so much O Lord......I'm in deep greatfulness.....You gave me hope again..."

*************************

There were many occasions i thought back the times when i was being looked down in the past....i have burried all the grieve & hatred within me, & it became so strong that sometimes it creates a feeling of revenge....

There were times that i fought back with no mercy for those who used to treat me arrogantly last time, when i know i'm in power now.... that it created the pride so strong yet invisible on the outside...in me.....

There were many times i was being cut through, my heart.. so deep so deep that it bled non stop & it had turned my heart into stone, a mask on the face.... and it had me made over into a new person, more confident 10 times than before....

hey~ not now... not now lily~

i do not want to have all these now~ i no longer want all these...

***********************************

When i look back all these while....so much ups & downs... ahh just like a roller coaster........ I thank the Lord for what had happened & even the sufferings that i endured... because sufferings produce perseverance, mould me, shape me & turn me anew....

It is just so unfair for those who are unworthy to shine.... & that is GRACE that i have learned....

& i'm.. learning to change...take away this pride~

Thank YOU so so much....

For YOUR GRACE IS Always Sufficient~

HOPE Kampar Mission Support (5-6/6/10)

"Dear Lord, I pray that i'm able to mingle well with the bros & sis there..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a lovely morning in Kampar, Perak Malaysia! A place that is surrounded by hills & lakes. Kampar is located in the tin ore reserves areas where u'll find abandoned mining-ponds too.

It was my 1st time joining HOPE Church Serdang for mission support in Kampar. It was a fantastic experience~ I cherish the friendship i have made with the bros & sis there~

We left Serdang, Selangor on 5th, around 10am & off to Perak we go!!

During the 1st day in Kampar, we had our networking introduction session in the noon, then we were divided into groups for a game. And this game was indeed something to ponder on between Life & Ministry. It goes like this:-
Yellow - means, something you think that is impossible but u would like to try / carry out, & it's possible!
Blue - means, something you are still doing in Life & in Ministry.
Red - means, something you think that is not effective in Life & Ministry, that u have stop doing that.
White - means, something crazy or seems impossible that you would like to do.

Each 4 groups takes turn to write on each different colours of manila cards.

(just a sample)

this session actually gives u a wider perspective on what u r still pursuing in this world & what's your priority in life, ministry etc..

Next, we had our frisbee game & it's really awesome. I thought frisbee game is gonna be boring but hey~ we played it something like the basketball way. Running here & there under the hot sun, my skin was scorching alright~

"....i came here for mission SUPPORT, & not for vacation....."

Though time management was something that needs to improve on, i really appreciate the efforts made by Bro Calvin & his team in serving, organizing everything. There were times he shouted for attention & cooperation. Many times his patience was tested i assumed. I was thinking... sometimes we always go for mission suppport, say monthly~ & it has become a norm, that we have forgotten that we were going for a mission, for a purpose, & not for vacation, relax & have fun. we r going there 4 support & mission oh yeah~

i'm glad to see the spirit among bros & sis who realize this. something that we can learned from each other's life together.

Here comes the night, & we went out to do invitations for Talent Night & Welcoming care groups. I was teamed with Bro Mok, Bro Yun Lai & Sis Vivien, with Sis Shi Rou joined us later. It was awesome going from house to house in UTAR, Kampar doing publicity. Ahh~ just like old times with community service gang in Kundang Ulu, Pagor Johor. Walking under hot sun for days from house to house to promote education, hoping the villagers would join our events. ahh~ miss it!

Tiring~ but had great time~ Though many of them are young babies in Christ, some almost same time with me when i accepted Christ last year, the passion in some of the bros sis for God, the Love within them~ so warmth so sincere~ ahh lovely!

West Lake view is indeed a fascinating sight.... here's a sample

(picture obtained from blogger Adrian Foo)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning i woke up~ thought i was having flu, but only realize my nose was bleeding. ergh nasty... Kampar is indeed a hot zone alright~

It was Mission Sunday. Sis Adeline's Word For Life class was indeed an awesome1, added with a lil sense of humour, this is no ordinary lady but a lady of God! Shared tits & bits of her life too~ ahh powerful testimonial standing in front of me~

It was a great Mission Sunday service in Hope Kampar, really glad to meet Coordinator Bro Joshua. Wonderful sermons that really touched me that gave me some ponders & encouragements. I thank God for the whole trip, full restoration & answers that I have received. I cherish every friendship that i have found.

met Pui Ying from Hope Batu Pahat too! muahaha *cubit*

like to thank UPten 4 inviting me for this mission as well

+U all STAR groups! Best wishes for Talent Night!!

P/S : Talent Night Singing Competition @ 18/6/2010 7.30pm, @Hope Kampar (walking distance from Grand Kampar Hotel), with special guest appearance 2008 Astro Talent Quest Champion GAN WAN CHEAN(颜莞倩). Welcome every1 including all Utarians to join!!

** 1st prize winner for competition is RM150.

** RM5 entrance fees for Talent Night, while stock last!

when i was having my thoughts....

"u woke up early~ where r u going?"

"err..im goin out...to meet some friends.."

***(eversince that night u questioned me about the "issues", it started to affect me...i know that i could not answer u...because i just can't...im not even confident to give u an answer...i'm just sorry i dissapoint u..i've tried my very best..)***

Headed down the streets of KL, trying to clear my mind off. Whenever im frustrated, i'll just like to take a stroll outside~ Don't know why...i just chose KL~ maybe it's because im not familiar with the routes, & whenever im in a new environment, i'll be more alert & refreshed when im alone~

sometimes im weak, throw me into a new place & let me survive on my own, i'll come out whole anew~ & stronger perhaps, after going through sufferings & stand up again without relying on others.. Weird but it's true that whenever i have friends that i can depend on, i'll become less alert, dumber perhaps... sometimes i rather chose to be alone...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Met a couple of backpackers in the train~ with the guy's face fully grown with moustache, the couples' unmanaged attires..looked kinda rugget though~ the couple reminds me of a chat i once had with my best friend, when we both were high on the topic of travelling. Saying that we will be backpackers 1day, going around the world, stopping by countries to work temporary & earn some bucks while dropping by hotels motels & sleep in lobbies for free...huh that was old time alright...how sad that this relationship is not complete...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saw an interesting blind pairs today..they were walking by the blind walkway with the help of their folding canes. Suddenly i have this curiousity on how they survived through this busy street in KL & followed them behind slowly.. Observed their every move from a distance~ I heard the blind lady that was clutching the guy's elbow said "macam mana"(how), d guy replied "jalan saje"(just walk) & he knew where to avoid certain corners & had great sense of direction to turn left or right. Then came to the escalator, the couple stop & the lady said "macam mana", the guys replied "pegang ni, jalan saje" (hold this, just walk) & the guy lead the girl through his elbow to touch the handle of the moving escalator. The lady was trying to balance herself on the moving stairs while the guy was steadily in position. However i've lost sight of the couples. Not long after, i saw that lady again but was alone at the end...i wonder where did the blind man go....

Though there were a few shoulder bumps when the surrounding people not aware of the blinds, i would say that the male has great sense of hearing, he has been trained for it, to listen to voicec, voices of the surrounding, the people, the busy streets... that lady seems like a rookie though, as if she has just become a blind lately & not used to the "new" condition she is in right now...

U know, i even wonder of tabbing along a blind, with my eyes blind folded & off the road with a stick.. & learn to listen like a blind, be alert like a blind. I~ want to have that sensitivity towards The Voice too...

******************

" Eli~ Eli? Are u calling me..?"
- 1Samuel 3:6-8

Here it goes again...

Feelin pressured?

"Oh..It wasn't me...It's her..."

This phrase always come & go~

I met my teacher who taught me English when i was a kid, whom she has been watching me grow until today. Ya, once in awhile i still keep in touch with her. I like her...but i just can't stand the fact that i felt presurred under the conversations.. Not only with her....but with many others too...

Children whose parents are principals of some universities, presidents of an organization, teachers, deans or whatever positions they are in, might have to live a life driven by expectations. You always need to beat the best (or at least u must be in the Top A List). Usually these kids are bright. After all~ their parents expect them to be bright anyway~ This is not only applicable to these group of people, also included children of whom their parents want their children to be the best always. So that their reputation can be maintained & gained the jealousy + praises from others. Keeping their kids a hectic schedule of tuitions, piano classes, swimming classes, computer classes etc etc to ensure they are well equipped. I am wondering.... is this what their kids really want...

I am grateful that i don't have parents who push me / expect me to give the very best in all. It is the surrounding people that i need to go through that kind of pressure...

"hey how's your result Lily? Surely you'll get 4flats coz u r smart."

"wa~ surely ur result is good. Ur parent is the...." (it doesn't go this way ok)

"no wonder u did not apply the job as a tutor,u don't have interest in it i see~ such a waste la ur SPM got all As" (erm...no...it wasn't me, it's my sis..u've mistaken)

"my daughter just went to UK" "that teacher's son is studying medicine" "my daughter got very good result in her STPM" "u know Pn.XXX's daughter get how many As in her..." "Mr.XXX's son is now in Taiwan doing.."...................."& what about u Lily??"

"What about me??" huh~

I may chat along well during these conversations~ but u did not see the hurt in my eyes. The fact is.. im not achieving much... If u have a trophy brother sister but u r the exact opposite of them...i believe no1 likes to be compared & being looked down.....

I never really talk about my past when im in new environment. When i came to Johor, it was a new start. Can't believe my confidence actually (can i say fooled many?) covers the blemishes in my life...some juniors of mine even thought i was in the student representative council... Well~the fact is that... i am NOT what u think guys~ Sorry... if u ever have any expectations from me that i failed to give. I am nothing...

Why there r so many tears in this holiday....huzz.. The inferiority complex wihin me has reappear again... There are too much failures that i could not accept... It just made me a bad testimonial... So many failures.... so many failures.....

NOT gonna give up like this though... no way

Battling within myself....

I just don't know what to say....

There is this voice inside me.... I always having monologues within my head... Whatever i see, whatever i hear, whatever things that happen, it affects me so strong.... so strong in the heart...

A book that i just read...it just impacts me alot... & i finally see what's happening in my life... The words from the pages, i just read it again & again... my eyes scanned through the words a few times... It's so hard to receive the truth...but the words from this book....it is just so right... it is just so right.... It is just so hard to accept the fact that... & that u realize that u REALLY NEED TO CHANGE....

Bagan Lalang Beach - chapter2

Yesterday was Malaysia's Vesak Day, public holiday also known as the "Buddha's Birthday", an event celebrated by mostly Buddhists. It was a great day as i were celebrating too! Well~ in a different way haha..

Still remember that i blogged about this venue 2years back before & here i am again, with much cooler experience..!

In my Hawaian pants & cap not forgetting sun block, after settled down with some yummy meals i headed out together with sis EMay & Aunt Mary for some frisbee game. After a few throw outs, musculour sis Emay threw the frisbee so far that Aunty & i had to chase till the other end to get it. Somehow when we got our frisbee we heard some1 shouting, then we looked around. There was a man holding a baby in his hand with his lil girl standing next to him. That man's feet got stucked under the mud till his knee & he's unmovable. Gosh~ then Aunty & i went over to help out. Just only a few seconds i turned around there i saw Aunty was struggling to balance herself. What the...OMG! The more she struggled the more she was sinking. I quickly went back to help her then WHOOSH!! Both my feet suddenly went underneath2..what the.. i can't move..stucked.. Somehow Aunty was manage to get out & she came over to my side. I was yelling Aunt not to come near me as she is big size & heavy, surely she will fall~ I tried to move my feet but it's getting worse. I felt something sharp underneath the mud, i started to freak out. I looked around, the beach was so far away & Sis Emay just looked @us helplessly...SHIT! I was stuck i did no know what to do..

"No No don't come near me Aunt Mary!""Come girl reach out your hand to me""No don't come near me! It's ok leave me alone~ call my sis..."

"What r u afraid of, Jesus is with us. We don't have to be afraid. Come girl~ give me your hand"

Her calm voice touched me... She came near to me & i stretched out my hand, she grabbed me tightly with only 1pull she got me out from mud stuck... & she's still standing! Thanks Aunt Mary.. Both of us lost our slippers in the mud though..

You know~ there were many times when we were in bad situation be it when we face obstacles in our works, financial problems or even life threatening situations, we either seek friends, loan sharks or 3rd parties for help & we have forgotten that we have an Almight God up there, around us... things would just be worse if we only fix our eyes on our problems..

there was a victim that fell...

haha just kidding.... d gal above is fake1

When we got back to our picnic site, there was a brother who think that Aunty & I were busy body. We want to help that man but end up both of us being the victims. He told us "Don't bother him la!" You know~ In this kind of situation... as bro sis in God's family, does the word ever exists? Would u still said that to us when both Aunt & I eventually fell underneath while we need help? Situation like this, u may have 2ways to respond. 1 is to turn a blind eye & don't bother, 2 is to try ur every efforts to help. So folks~ which1 are u...

***********************

mud stuck area near the construction site of Golden Palm (d1 like Dubai's Palm Island)

so @d end, the man's wife & other people went to his aid, 1st save the baby then the kid, took some time for the man to dig up though.. I asked the locals is such incidents frequently happen, & the reply yes. Then i started to notice that there were many more victims of mud stuck.. kids teens adults heading to the public toilet wearing their knee length grey stockings (muddy feet)... U know folks... what if there was tsunami & these people got stuck at the mud here... or what if the tide came back to the shore with these people's leg immobile... Back to the man just now, what if the man lost his balance when he struggled & dropped his baby...i doubt if the baby crawl away or just wonder deeper into the mud herself... If u ever have this "Don't bother" attitude...perhaps it's time to change.. u will make a difference~

***********************

Had great time playing baseball & running around the "home" tho i was lousy at hitting the baseball. There was a group of youngsters having fellowship singing "Soraklah hallelujah soraklah hal..." There were also a bunch of good friends came together & had their camp activities. I wish to have this sort of thing too, going backpacking, hiking, adventures with a group too... Ahh~ 28/5/10, a day that i would like to remember~

A Shining Star

Just visited UMMC,medical centre @Petaling Jaya today.
It was 6.10am, thank God i was able to wake up & i quickly dressed up. I was sitting in the car with my eyes forcefully opened (obviously my eyes were still in sleeping mode). My tummy was growling in hunger & i kept yawning all the way.

*****************

sitting 1 of the seat rows in UMMC waiting area, i looked at the clock, 7am reached & there's already 50 people filled the place. Majority of the crowd were of the old age, & i saw 1Malaysia. I'm glad that i could spend time with . There was then a mid-aged woman came sat next to me. I greeted her with a smile. What's surprise me was that she suddenly asked me "Are u a Christian?" A lil unexpected but amazed i replied, "yes, i am ... " It was a book that she saw in my hands that she recognize me as a believer.

You know~ I really thought of becoming a star that really shines. A star not as celebrity, but a star that when people look at u they see truth in your eyes & a beautiful soul, and they know that you are Christ living testimonial, the light within the darkness... & that's the Star i want to be 1day~

I thank God to have met this Christian lady & we chatted through out the waiting time before blood test. It was fabulous, we had a short sharing & chat together. I felt closed to her somehow. Meanwhile, i would like to introduce you "The Purpose Driven Life : What On Earth Am I Here For?"

A book which gave you thorough ponders about your life. A book which written by Rick Warren, 1 of the best selling ones in history. It touches topic like what drives u in life? Materialism, Guilt, Anger,Fear?? Are u living daily with the same routine, or ur life is currently driving by something u feel that life is meaningless, u don't see the value in it? And as days go by, u just drag on ur days, ur life...wasting ur time perhaps~ When u get to know about the real purpose in your life, there is less complexity & more simplixity. People who do not know their purpose try to do too much, which lead to fatigue, conflict, stress... And knowing that the life on earth is just the preparation for the next, so why bothers all the trophies & stress in life? For what good will it do for people to win the whole world & lose their lives? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? ...... that kind of thing, nice thoughts~

**********************

Moving to the other department of the hospital, erhh strong smell of medication, sick ones everywhere... Saw a boy, paralysed was being carried by his bro onto a wheelchair... You know...sometimes i wonder... friends who always criticize the weak & weirds ones.. How can i afford to laugh when i know the people around me that i love, is 1 of the object of laughter, of my friends...

Just scribbling..

Back at hometown now.. It's already the 3rd day in this week, n i have not started out my plan from the schedule. Not satisfied with my progress huh~ This 1 month holiday's theme is still making a difference, it's just added "with all your heart".

1 thing i need during this time, is discipline. 2nd, courage. Huh.. grace would be that extra strength to make way for me, need time, need wisdom...

I don't want to leave my hometown without any change, without any fruits, without any difference.. huh...

University Trip to Indonesia

It was a great opportunity for me to join an academic trip to Indonesia with my fellow coursemates from 9th-14th May 2o10. Below are the records of my 5days journey.

Every special occasions, insidents ; Every minute that inspired me. . . INDONESIA THROUGH MY EYES~

Day 1 [09/05/10 - Jakarta]
Indonesian time 11.30pm Reached Soekarno-Hatta International Airport, Jakarta.

Day 2 [10/05/10 - Jakarta]
We set off early in the morning. All through the journey in bus, my eyes were captured by the view through the window pane. The magnificient buildings with fine structures & different elements used that made them so unique. The masterpieces of every statues & great arts were fascinating. The architectural design of each classy residence shown its characteristics of European style, so cozy so wonderful.

The bus was moving fast, I could not capture every perspective of the building & scenic view in time.

Reached Badan Pertanahan Nasional (Nasional Land Agency), Jakarta. Morning tea break & lunch were served with a variety of delicious local delicacies.

Buffet style lovely!

Masakan Padang is 1 of the themed dishes

LARASITA (Layanan Rakyat untuk Sertifikasi Tanah) that provides facilities for mobile land services.

Dinner with Ai Ling & Tsuey after a night stroll along the food stalls. Food include: choc fried banana with cheese, mie rebus, fried rice, beef sate served with curry gravy, choc toast bread, keropok snack.
ahh~~ finger licking good!!

Day 3 [11/05/10 - Jakarta]

Visited Badan Koordinasi Penanamn Modal (The Coordinating Board for Investment)

Had our lunch @scenic Pulau Dua Seafood Market Restaurant.

After lunch, we visited Badan Pendidikan dan Pelatihan Keuangan (Tax Education & Training Centre).

On the streets of Indonesia you will find there are lots of MPVs. Majorities are from big families & those who own nice MPV is the opulent one. Toyota Avanza is a hot there & black colour vehicles are a common sight.

Besides, Taksi (taxicabs) in their Toyota Limo (a lower spec of Toyota Vios) is a common sight on the streets.

Day 4 [12/05/10 - Bandung]

Visited Universitas Padjajaran (Unpad), Bandung. Attended a seminar of International Asset & Valuation Management at Unpad.

Got the chance to chat with Jasan Vana, a Malaysian student who studies Medical at Unpad. Got to listen more of the insights of the lifestyle & studying in Indonesia. Awesome~

Bandung is the centre of textile industry in Indonesia. You can see factory outlets everywhere with great branded outfits to shop for at affordable price! Dropped by Rumah Mode, Bandung’s biggest factory outlet. You can get an Armani Exchange shirt for about 100 000 Rupiahs (about RM35) at Rumah Mode. Cool~

As the day started to rain, motorcyclist parked their vehicles aside forming a long row beside the traffic to take out & wore their raincoats. It reminded me to be ever ready anywhere anytime. Rain drops on the window, lights on the streets, feeling cooling in the bus, soothing music played on, I have fell in love with this land of Indonesia..

Day 5 [13/05/10 - Bandung]

Had breakfast at Wisma Tut Wuri. Boy~ I really enjoy sipping tea in the morning like this, with the weather so cooling in this high land of Bandung. I just love the aroma of the tea, so warm, so nice hmm~

After check-out, we move to destination Tangkuban Penghulu volcano. On the way through up the hills, it reminded me of the green patch of Cameron Highlands in Malaysia. With the cooling weather, sunlight shined upon the land, it was such a breathtaking scene.

It was a good trade up there at Tangkuban Penghulu. So many beautiful handicrafts, souvenirs, accessories, outfits at very low prices. Once u take out your money to have a buying deal, there will be traders surrounding you in seconds, & some even following you wherever you go to nego for the dealings.

The last section of the video clip, that particular scene was kinda touched me. After these young kids were chased out by the bus conductor, they crossed over back to the streets & divided the money collected to the other kids. If 1 earns, 1 shares & take cares of the others.

You can truly see the vast gap between the rich & poor in Indonesia. The rich dominates, own huge cars huge buildings while the poor living in scarcity at squatters under the bridge & side road. Traders walking around selling in the middle of the busy roads daily, hopping onto bus to cars that pass by wishing to earn for a living. There was a kid about 5-7years old, holding an infant in his 1 hand in the middle of the busy road at night, looking up onto our bus window, extending his other hand to ask for money. We witnessed the scene together & concerned both of the children’s safety. When u took out your wallet at a market, there will be either an old lady or a young kid extending hand to you….

If u r that 1 soul, would u learn to appreciate ur current life better~

Dropped by lecturer Dr. Tono's residence for dinner. Sir played us a wonderful song.

Day 6 [14/05/10 - Jakarta]

Visited Monas (National Monument), at Central Jakarta.

Monas Tower

My 6.20pm flight, landed in Malaysia at 10pm Malaysia time.

I say it was an eye opening journey to Indonesia, I appreciate every minute every second building up the friendship between my coursemates & i, recording every incidents through the view of my eyes~